ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
