Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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