I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
is that a dick in a sweater?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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