Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
