i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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