she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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