You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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