I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dick very happy bro
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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