If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
