Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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