sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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