I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
