So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
