I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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