So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
