I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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