Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
