He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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