My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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