Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
