Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
