I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize