Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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