Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
