Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
