I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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