she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
