i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
