i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
