Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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