you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
