Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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