fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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