why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
