I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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