omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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