his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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