You're completely useless in the revolution.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
