I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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