You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
