Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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