I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize