All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
