Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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