I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
