So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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