whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
