Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
