OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
