I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
