That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.