Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.