My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?