pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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