Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
