It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize