Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
