oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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