First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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