Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
