and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
