I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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