Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
