4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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