My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i've created a new STD.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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