And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
