haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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