Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
