I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
