I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
