We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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