This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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