So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
