On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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