i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
