Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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