I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
