if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
